It happens way too often in this day and age of modern dating. You've been seeing a guy for a while, and you're unsure if your fling is going to turn into a real relationship or if all he wants is to keep hooking up with no strings attached. We're here to help you out and provide some answers to all your questions and share how to know if he just wants to hook up or an actual relationship.
It can be so easy to overthink and question whether the guy (or girl) you're seeing wants something more or if he just sees you as a booty call, especially in the world of modern dating 2019, where another girl could be just a Tinder swipe away.
There's no point in wasting your time if you want something more serious and all the signs point otherwise. So we're here to help you figure out whether he's in it for the long haul or just for the hook up.
Make sure to watch out for these signs!
He never brings you to meet his family or friends
It's obvious, but true. If a guy never even mentions the idea of meeting his family or friends to you and you only ever see each other one on one, that could be a huge indicator that he just sees you as a hook-up. If it's been a while and they still never make an effort to include you in things like work events or family dinners, it shows they don't see you as their girlfriend.
If he saw you as a potential girlfriend, he would definitely introduce you to his friends or his family, or at the very least, bring you out to group hangouts or parties to see how you mesh with his group. This has even become a dating trend in 2019 called pocketing, which happens when someone doesn't introduce you to their crew because they're hiding you away.
He only texts you
Okay honey, if he's only messaging you at night and slipping into your DMs to ask if you wanna come over and chill, it's pretty clear that he just wants to hook up. A guy who wanted something more would ask to hang out in broad daylight too and go on fun dates, not just Netflix and chill at his place in the night-time.
Another big thing is if he doesn't make an effort to hang out in person but maintains a texting relationship with you. This is an actual problem that millennials face in the world of Tinder. Let's be honest, we've all "dated" a guy that we meet up with once in a blue moon but the majority of the relationship is contained to texting each other on the dreaded dating app.
A guy may keep you interested by occasionally sending you texts. But, that doesn’t actually mean they want a relationship with you, it just means that you’re on a back burner or one of the girls in their rotation. Ew.
He doesn't make any plans that are in the future
If he can't even commit to something that's just a few weeks away, it's a clear sign he can't commit to you either. Someone who doesn't see you in their future, won't make plans with you in the future. If he's flakey and doesn't give concrete answers or he never initiates dates first, it shows that he's just waiting for something better.
On the flip side, if he's inviting you to things like a hockey game, concerts or a friend's wedding that are a month or even more away, you can tell that he sees this as something that's more long-term! Yay!
He only compliments your looks and not your personality
If he showers you with compliments about your physical appearance, but never really tells you why he actually likes you as a person, this is a subtle sign that you're low-key just a booty call. It's easy for a guy who wants to hook up to say sweet nothings and focus on your appearance because that's what they're paying attention to.
Another thing to look for is if he keeps your conversations more on the sexual side, such as sending you sexts or DMing you for late night meet ups instead of asking how your day was or messaging you good morning.
He's open about his emotions and what he's going through– the good or the bad
If he isn't afraid to show you his more emotional side, this shows that he trusts you and sees you as more than just a hookup. Given how hard it can be for many guys to open up, they normally won't bother doing so unless it's a serious relationship.
If he's able to share with you all that he's going through, whether it's positive or negative, that shows your relationship is moving towards something real instead of a one that is purely physical.
He doesn't take care of your needs in bed
If a guy is only focused on himself and how good it feels for him during sex, it's pretty clear he doesn't care enough about you as a person. Someone who is boyfriend material would want both of you to fully enjoy the experience and he would care about how you feel too.
Another thing to notice is whether he wants to cuddle in bed after doing the deed, or if he just goes to sleep right after or even straight up bounces and leaves no time for pillow talk. Often if they just see your relationship as a casual thing, the guy doesn't want to spend any time cuddling or hanging out after.
He's not afraid to talk about defining the relationship
If you are feeling unsure and can't read whether he wants to keep it casual or something more, you can always just straight-up ask him! However, if he is relationship material, you probably won't even have to play the guessing game for very long into dating.
If he's not afraid to have the conversation and you are both on the same page when it comes to whether you're exclusive or not, then you have the answer. If his response is vague and doesn't really answer your question, this reaction itself says enough and shows that he doesn't really want a more serious relationship with you.
At the end of the day, remember that if a guy wants something, more often than not, he will be clear about it and go after it. If it's been a few weeks or even months into seeing each other and he hasn't mentioned defining the relationship or setting more concrete labels, whether it's being exclusive or being official, then it shows that he just sees you as a hook-up or a casual thing.
If that's the case and you want something more, don't waste any more time on this dude. Either ask him if he wants to get serious or leave that guy in the dust. You deserve to be happy in your relationship and to be with someone who's just as sure about you as you are about them.
FAQs
How do you tell if a guy wants to date you or just sleep with you? ›
1) He's always around when you need him
If a guy wants to only sleep with you, he might not be as willing to jump in and help whenever you need it. So if you notice that a guy is always around when you need help, it's a good indication that he's interested in you.
- There's No Chasing. Save. ...
- He Opens Up To You. ...
- He Respects Your Boundaries. ...
- He Plans Dates For You Two. ...
- He Doesn't Shy Away From Labels. ...
- He Thinks About A Future With You. ...
- He Introduces You To His Family And Friends. ...
- He Is Honest With You.
If they keep postponing plans or taking a longer time than usual to respond to texts or calls, it could mean that they're not as invested in the relationship and may not be planning to make things serious.
What are the stages of hooking up? ›- The One-Night Stand. ...
- The Second Glance. ...
- The Booty Call. ...
- The Friend With Benefits. ...
- The Date. ...
- The Fling. ...
- The Stepping-Stone. ...
- The Backup.
- He never brings you to meet his family or friends. ...
- He only texts you. ...
- He doesn't make any plans that are in the future. ...
- He only compliments your looks and not your personality. ...
- He's open about his emotions and what he's going through– the good or the bad.
- A deep sense of disconnection. ...
- You're always initiating conversations. ...
- He tells you directly. ...
- He ignores texts/calls from you. ...
- Lack of vulnerability (from his end) ...
- Lack of sexual intimacy. ...
- He doesn't desire to be physically around you. ...
- You're excluded from his activities.
- He closes himself off. ...
- Your conversations are lackluster. ...
- He doesn't care about how you feel. ...
- You haven't met anyone he knows. ...
- He has issues discussing commitment. ...
- He expects too many favors. ...
- He is reluctant to compromise.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
How do you know if he doesn't want a relationship? ›Notice if he often cancels plans with you, demotes you in favor of other friends and projects, or never seems to have time for you. Or perhaps he's always too busy to do things you want to do, but you see him spending time with his people regularly.
How do you know if he's just keeping you around? ›- He's a little too nice. ...
- He's inconsistent with texting. ...
- He says he wants to make plans, but … ...
- He won't say the word “girlfriend” ...
- You always text first. ...
- He always needs something. ...
- He won't introduce you to anyone. ...
- You always hang out in big groups.
How do you tell if he is wrong for you? ›
- You overthink everything you say. ...
- He wants you to change for him. ...
- You cry more than smile. ...
- He treats his family poorly. ...
- You're afraid to ask him to put away his clothes. ...
- He threatens you with the “D” word. ...
- You're always at fault.
Hooking up means sexual activity. Kissing (or making-out) is not hooking up. Any type of oral, vaginal or anal sex is considered hooking up. One night stand involving any form of sex (oral, vaginal, anal, etc).
How often do hookups turn into relationships? ›Although 30-60% of individuals go into their hookups with the hope of having a romantic relationship (see above), one study of college students found that only 12% of people who had ever hooked up indicated that a hookup had evolved into a romantic relationship (Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000).
What is an unspoken rule of hooking up? ›Don't get possesive. Don't religiously stalk their Instagram. Don't publicize that you two are hooking up. Don't start going the extra mile by offering to pick up their parents from the airport, which sets up a dynamic that once again replicates dating. Just be cool, put in a moderate amount of effort, and have fun.
When should you let go of a guy? ›- 7 Signs It Might Be Time to Let Go.
- You Feel Anxious When You Aren't Together. ...
- You Don't Feel Like Yourself. ...
- You're Giving Way More Than You're Taking. ...
- You and Your Partner Keep Score. ...
- You Suspect Your Partner Is Gaslighting You. ...
- You Make Too Many Excuses for Them. ...
- You've outgrown the relationship.
- 1) He's become distant. ...
- 2) There's less physical affection. ...
- 3) What would an advisor tell you? ...
- 4) He brings up things you didn't do together. ...
- 5) He's always on his phone. ...
- 6) He's suddenly too busy to see you.
- The person asks you for money, favors, or other items. ...
- The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or preferences. ...
- The person expects you to take care of their needs. ...
- The person appears disinterested in you after their needs have been met.
- The conversation is always about them. ...
- They always let you pick up the check. ...
- You always have to come to their rescue. ...
- They never say thank you. ...
- They're always asking for favors. ...
- You start to resent them. ...
- Your emotional needs are never considered, let alone met.
Love couples look forward to being together
On the other hand, couples in it for convenience live parallel lives; the time they spend together is not joyful and may not be a mutual experience. When they are apart, they feel relieved, and they rarely think about their significant other.
- Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag. ...
- Lack of trust. ...
- Feeling low self-esteem. ...
- Physical, emotional, or mental abuse. ...
- Substance abuse. ...
- Narcissism. ...
- Anger management issues. ...
- Codependency.
What is the 3 month rule? ›
Get to know a man before you decide if he's "husband material." STORY HIGHLIGHTS. People in new relationships should wait three months before thinking long-term. Important discoveries about another are usually made in that three-month period. Don't bother worrying if a man is husband-material until you really know him.
When should you call it quits in a relationship? ›If you're not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it's probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it's sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren't connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on.
Can a casual hookup turn into a relationship? ›It's absolutely possible—and not uncommon—for the relationship to become something more. Like all matters of the heart, starting a new relationship doesn't happen instantly. Thankfully, it's easier when you're already on close terms with the person occupying your thoughts.
Can a relationship form from a hookup? ›Relationships that start with a spark and not much else aren't necessarily doomed from the get-go, new research suggests. Couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited.
Is there a difference between making love and hooking up? ›Making love is more intimate than just having sex and may be a more drawn out process, with intimate foreplay, touching and eye contact. Making love involves a kind of tenderness (even if your love making is on the rough side!) that is missing from regular sex.
What's the difference between hooking up and sleeping with someone? ›the assumption is that you mean "met up with." "Hook up with" might be used to imply or suggest that you had sex with someone, so in that sense, it is a more discreet way to say you had sex with someone. On the other hand, "have sex with" is pretty unambiguous and means to engage in sexual relations with someone else.
How do you tell him you want more than a casual relationship? ›If you feel confident at this point that you want things to be serious, go ahead and tell them that you're ready to move from a casual to a committed relationship, says Trespicio. "Explain what kind of relationship you want and why, defining what commitment means for you without giving an ultimatum," she suggests.
How do you know if a casual relationship is getting serious? ›- You're spending more time together. ...
- They're asking for your opinion. ...
- Body language is changing. ...
- You're getting new kinds of compliments. ...
- You're being introduced differently to their friends. ...
- Your texting relationship is starting to shift.
There are some FWB situations that last until one or the other partner finds romance. Some casual relationships can persist for months, because they suit both partners. But in general, data shows that these relationships can be as short as two weeks to as long as three or more months.
How often do hookups lead to relationships? ›Although 30-60% of individuals go into their hookups with the hope of having a romantic relationship (see above), one study of college students found that only 12% of people who had ever hooked up indicated that a hookup had evolved into a romantic relationship (Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000).
Do guys get attached from hooking up? ›
Women tend to be labeled as more clingy and emotionally dependent than men, but the truth is that guys can catch feelings after hooking up, too. One scientific study proves that women aren't the only gender who “feels” things after sex. It seems men are just as prone to experiencing that post-sex connection.
What does hooking up mean to a guy? ›In general, hooking up means being intimate/sexual with someone without being in a committed relationship with them. It may also be called “a one-night stand” or “casual sex.” Hookups may be a one-time thing or something that happens more than once with the same person/people.